I recently wrote a piece for Scum Mag called Cow Tippin.'
Scum is a relatively new online lit mag run by nice local people who are publishing fiction, memoirs and reviews by other nice local people.
If you like, you can go and have a look at my piece here, and while you're at it maybe you might like to read some of the other stuff on Scum and leave some comments and really just go to town with the whole thing, why not.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
"It didn't look crooked to me."
Okay you guys. We have to talk about something serious for a minute.
The show's producers clearly wanted to turn Heather's Asperger's into a sob story, like the girls with Lupus or partial blindness in previous seasons. Unfortunately autism spectrum disorders don't really lend themselves well to being sob stories. There is a TV-appropriate way to conduct oneself in the presence of an illness on these sorts of shows, but obviously Heather wasn't to know that because she has Asperger's and wouldn't recognise this type of social expectation. The result was that while Heather was one of the best models in the show, most of her screen time was spent seeming unbalanced, weak and crazy. The show wanted to make a "thing" out of Heather's Asperger's at first, but when they realised this wasn't going to work, they switched seamlessly to portraying her as an awkward weirdo. The other contestants were all too happy to propagate this by adopting a "Heather's weird" attitude. None of them knew how to deal with Asperger's. Lupus? Blindness? Easy, be nice to those girls because they have tangible, physical problems. Asperger's? What is that? Just an excuse for being a freak? No deal.
Fictional portrayals of Asperger's are even more problematic. The most mainstream example I can think of is "that guy" from CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. You know, that Sheldon guy.
I haven't watched this show in its entirety, but I'm pretty sure it's not explicitly stated that Sheldon has Asperger's. He just exhibits all the usual traits and behaviours of someone with Asperger's. He has a freakishly high IQ, is oblivious to social expectations, struggles with empathy and emotions and has rigid habits and routines which, if broken, send him into a panic. But he also wears funny colourful t-shirts and has a silly high-pitched voice, and his Aspergic-tendencies, because acted and not real, come off as funny and even endearing. I mean, it's a sitcom. But this is a bit of an issue because again, it creates the expectation that if you slot Asperger's into a social situation, it will be funny (a la The Big Bang Theory) or sad (a la Americas Next Top Model) neither of which are really accurate.
Mark Haddon's 2003 novel The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time tells a first-person narrative from the point of view of Christopher Boone, a 15-year-old with some sort of autism spectrum disorder (although never clearly identified as Asperger's, we tend to assume it is, because Christopher is highly intelligent, but has significant social difficulties). The book was award-winning and ground-breaking for several reasons, but mostly because it somehow managed to tell a story with a socially acceptable level of uplifting narrative, while still managing to portray autism realistically.
I think the best fictional portrayal of Asperger's I've seen to date is in Ron Howard and Jason Katim's TV drama Parenthood, in which members of the show's central Braverman family deal with the Asperger's diagnosis of their son Max.
Apparently, the show employs a behavioural psychologist to workshop Max's scenes and ensure they hold true to what a child with Asperger's would really be like in any given situation. It pays off, because Max manages to be a character who is quintessentially Asperger's without being funny, unlikeable or pitiable. The show portrays the family's struggles with the diagnosis accurately too - the initial confusion about what Asperger's is and what this means for their family, the reactions of different family members ranging from grief-stricken to skeptical, and, eventually, the acceptance of the situation and implementation of realistic strategies. Max makes progress, but not too much progress, with a behavioural aide, he moves from a special school to a mainstream school, but not without huge setbacks, he makes friends, but is sufficiently bad at dealing with them, and he pursues the title of class-president with a believable level of obsessive, competitive spirit. He rarely smiles, but he's not without appeal as a person, and we never have those awful moments where he suddenly emerges out of his autistic bubble and hugs his Mum or asks his dad for advice about girls - because that wouldn't happen in real life. The show doesn't compromise. It doesn't try to make an uplifting recovery-story out of Max's Asperger's. It just shows a family doing the best they can to raise their child and experiencing small, realistic victories along the way.
So in the last decade we have made strides in incorporating Asperger's into popular culture, not only raising awareness, but also creating a group understanding and recognition of legitimacy. So much of this hard-won legitimacy will be lost if people with Asperger's lose their diagnosis.
But this isn't just about the reactions of society. It's also about individual identity. I've talked at length about the impacts, good and bad, of an Asperger's diagnosis for children. But what about for adults? Adults who are independent, autonomous human beings are able to take control of a situation like an Asperger's diagnosis. It isn't "imposed" on them, like with children. In my experience, most adults issued with an Asperger's diagnosis will identify that exact moment as the one where they suddenly understood themselves.
For adults and teenagers, an Asperger's diagnosis can be liberating. It can explain things to them that they have struggled with their whole lives. It can give them a common ground with others that they have always lacked. It can help their loved ones to better understand them. When you are diagnosed with Asperger's, a wealth of support, books, websites, academic literature and (increasingly) social understanding suddenly applies to you. Most adults I know who have Asperger's are proud to say they have it, and talk about it more like one would talk about being a "visual learner" or being "mostly left brain" - as a personality trait rather than some kind of disability. Because Asperger's recognises difference without recognising ineptitude. If you take away people's Asperger's, you take away a part of their identity that they have personally claimed and cultivated.
You also take away many people's right to services which have helped them to turn their Asperger's into a positive in their lives. Many people with Asperger's have a unique way of thinking and are hugely intelligent, but without the right support, both emotional and tangible, many of them would never reach their potential. These services include in-school support staff and behavioural aides for children, and anything from uni lecture note-takers to access to psychological support for adults.
The DSM is not the law. It doesn't dictate how policy-makers should distribute their funding, and we can only hope that said policy-makers recognise this. There will also be a large number of mental health professionals who disagree with DSM-5 and continue to diagnose Asperger's and work with patients under this diagnosis.
But there is no guarantee and for those who have fought for years to gain recognition and understanding for people with Asperger's, this marks the worrying beginning of its exit from our collective consciousness. It's up to society to reject this assessment, as I'm sure anyone who, like me, has friends or family who identify as Asperger's, will be quick and vocal in doing.
The American Psychiatric Association periodically releases
the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – a series of
official criteria for the classification of mental illnesses, disabilities and
conditions.
In May this year, the fifth edition of this manual – DSM 5 –
will be released as the first major revision since 1994. Asperger’s Syndrome
will not be in it.
The APA is reworking its definition of autism to exclude or
re-diagnose those on the higher-functioning end of the spectrum. It’s estimated
that anywhere between the highest functioning 10% and 50% of autism sufferers
will lose their diagnosis. One of the impacts of this is that almost all people
with Asperger’s will fall off the spectrum completely and therefore, a specific
syndrome classification is no longer deemed necessary. For those with
Asperger’s who do remain on the spectrum, a re-diagnosis of social
communication disorder or general autism will be assigned.
Asperger’s is not a thing anymore.
So what does this mean and why does it matter?
Many professionals and laypersons alike will welcome this
change as a step in culling back the over-diagnosis of autism spectrum disorders,
especially in children. I don’t have a problem with this per se. In terms of
Asperger’s I don’t know how helpful a diagnosis in young children can be – not
because it might not be legitimate, but because of the reaction others (other
kids, other parents, teachers) tend to have to this labelling.
Having worked in childcare for the last two and a half
years, I’ve seen firsthand how badly this situation is often handled in
schools. As hard as parents work to create an environment where their child
thrives, the fact is many educators are still too ignorant about Asperger’s to
really deal with it properly. I’ve seen the fear and panic in the eyes of
fellow childcare workers at the prospect of “having Jake,” that is – being
assigned to work one-on-one with the kid with Asperger’s. I’ve also seen
misguided and unhelpful policies devised, usually involving allowing Asperger’s
kids to be completely separate from the rest of the group. The theory behind
this is to allow these kids to do whatever they like and not expect them to
adhere to rules. This theory in itself is fundamentally flawed. One of the
common characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome is a highly developed sense of
justice, and repetitive, routine-based behaviours. Asperger’s kids are not
unable to follow rules. Quite the contrary in fact. The problems begin when
schools are inconsistent with their rules or routines. Which as any educator,
parent or general human being knows, is problematic for all children,
Asperger’s or not. Inconsistency breeds bad behaviour and poor social adjustment.
Fact.
The reason we separate certain children from the group is
not to help them, but to help ourselves and to “protect” other children. Giving
responsibility to one teacher or staff member takes the load off others, and
prevents parents from storming angrily into staffrooms and demanding that that
weird child be kept away from their normal child. This is part of the argument
against diagnosing children. It’s used as a tool to protect others from the
children’s problem behaviour, rather than to help the child themselves.
But as I said earlier, this is only because schools and the
general public are uneducated about Asperger’s and autism. People don’t
understand what it is, what it means, and the struggles its sufferers face. An
Asperger’s diagnosis for a child at a good, supportive school can be an
excellent thing. An Asperger’s diagnosis is almost always an excellent thing for the relationship between a child and
their family. It can help reassure parents that their child’s behavioural
issues are not “their fault” and help them get access to strategies and support
that they need to do the best for their child. So it’s society that needs to
shift its perceptions, and removing Asperger’s from the DSM is the exact
opposite of achieving this.
Asperger’s is rarely portrayed in popular culture, and when
it is, it’s with varying degrees of accuracy or sympathy. One of the first
representations of Asperger’s syndrome I can remember seeing on TV is during
series 9 of Americas Next Top Model, when
Heather Kuzmich, a model from Chicago, was a contestant. It was announced
loudly and dramatically by the show’s judges from the outset that Heather
had Asperger’s, and when the question was raised “what is that?” a vague
definition of “she’s very awkward and has trouble with social situations” was
given.
 |
| Heather Kuzmich |
Fictional portrayals of Asperger's are even more problematic. The most mainstream example I can think of is "that guy" from CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. You know, that Sheldon guy.
 |
| Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper |
Some slightly better portrayals of Asperger's, because yes, they do exist. We've all read this:
I think the best fictional portrayal of Asperger's I've seen to date is in Ron Howard and Jason Katim's TV drama Parenthood, in which members of the show's central Braverman family deal with the Asperger's diagnosis of their son Max.
 |
| Max Burkholder as Max Braverman |
So in the last decade we have made strides in incorporating Asperger's into popular culture, not only raising awareness, but also creating a group understanding and recognition of legitimacy. So much of this hard-won legitimacy will be lost if people with Asperger's lose their diagnosis.
But this isn't just about the reactions of society. It's also about individual identity. I've talked at length about the impacts, good and bad, of an Asperger's diagnosis for children. But what about for adults? Adults who are independent, autonomous human beings are able to take control of a situation like an Asperger's diagnosis. It isn't "imposed" on them, like with children. In my experience, most adults issued with an Asperger's diagnosis will identify that exact moment as the one where they suddenly understood themselves.
For adults and teenagers, an Asperger's diagnosis can be liberating. It can explain things to them that they have struggled with their whole lives. It can give them a common ground with others that they have always lacked. It can help their loved ones to better understand them. When you are diagnosed with Asperger's, a wealth of support, books, websites, academic literature and (increasingly) social understanding suddenly applies to you. Most adults I know who have Asperger's are proud to say they have it, and talk about it more like one would talk about being a "visual learner" or being "mostly left brain" - as a personality trait rather than some kind of disability. Because Asperger's recognises difference without recognising ineptitude. If you take away people's Asperger's, you take away a part of their identity that they have personally claimed and cultivated.
You also take away many people's right to services which have helped them to turn their Asperger's into a positive in their lives. Many people with Asperger's have a unique way of thinking and are hugely intelligent, but without the right support, both emotional and tangible, many of them would never reach their potential. These services include in-school support staff and behavioural aides for children, and anything from uni lecture note-takers to access to psychological support for adults.
The DSM is not the law. It doesn't dictate how policy-makers should distribute their funding, and we can only hope that said policy-makers recognise this. There will also be a large number of mental health professionals who disagree with DSM-5 and continue to diagnose Asperger's and work with patients under this diagnosis.
But there is no guarantee and for those who have fought for years to gain recognition and understanding for people with Asperger's, this marks the worrying beginning of its exit from our collective consciousness. It's up to society to reject this assessment, as I'm sure anyone who, like me, has friends or family who identify as Asperger's, will be quick and vocal in doing.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Oh hello.
I'm about to start a seven week teaching prac so naturally I had to Google myself to make sure there was nothing sordid about me on the internet that colleagues or students could ring A Current Affair about, but instead of finding that stuff I just found a really lovely recommendation by a fellow Brisbane writer, Sophie Overett, for my piece Yours and mine from Stilts issue 2.
"Yours and Mine by Rhiannon Hartley is a short piece of memoir as opposed to a short piece of fiction, but it was so lovely I wanted to rec it anyway. Written for the sex issue of Stilts, a local, Brisbane journal, Yours and Mine covers relationships delicately and frankly, from pubescent boyfriends to falling in love with best friends. It's one of those horribly intimate pieces that resonates more than I generally care to admit, and that's really why it works."
It's really nice to be read and appreciated by people I don't know, especially when they record the experience on their blogs so I can read about it months after the fact.
You can read more from Sophie's blog here and you can read Yours and mine and the rest of Stilts issue 2 here.
"Yours and Mine by Rhiannon Hartley is a short piece of memoir as opposed to a short piece of fiction, but it was so lovely I wanted to rec it anyway. Written for the sex issue of Stilts, a local, Brisbane journal, Yours and Mine covers relationships delicately and frankly, from pubescent boyfriends to falling in love with best friends. It's one of those horribly intimate pieces that resonates more than I generally care to admit, and that's really why it works."
It's really nice to be read and appreciated by people I don't know, especially when they record the experience on their blogs so I can read about it months after the fact.
You can read more from Sophie's blog here and you can read Yours and mine and the rest of Stilts issue 2 here.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Obsessing over this week:
Julian Assange
Much like the wreck of the Costa Concordia or world hunger, the fact that Julian Assange was holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London was a really big deal until it wasn't.
Much like the wreck of the Costa Concordia and world hunger, he is definitely still there. Unlike the Costa Concordia or world hunger, he is also running for the Victorian Senate and launching a new search engine called "PLUS D." He also has a sun lamp.
North Korea
Seriously what is UP with this whole situation? WHAT IS HAPPENING? How does the world deal with a problem like this? And I don't mean the nuclear "threat" because I find the rhetoric about all that to be a bit off. It's a mean truth that we only pay attention to countries like this when they're making bizarre-o threats to other Western countries. I've been thinking a lot about what happens when they stop making threats and, like the Costa Concordia and Julian Assange, we forget all about them for another five years and therefore also forget how poor and oppressed their people are.
It's just so weird.
I'm applying for a tourist visa as we speak. And if I get it I'll definitely be deleting this blog post.
London Grammar
Put that inside you.
Watergate
All I do is read conspiracy theories pertaining to American politics.
I mean actually. Hours of my day.
I don't know if we've learned anything but All the President's Men was on the other night and I think some really good docu-drama bio-pics are going to come out of this decade too and I fucking love that shit so I'm alright with it.
Much like the wreck of the Costa Concordia or world hunger, the fact that Julian Assange was holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London was a really big deal until it wasn't.
Much like the wreck of the Costa Concordia and world hunger, he is definitely still there. Unlike the Costa Concordia or world hunger, he is also running for the Victorian Senate and launching a new search engine called "PLUS D." He also has a sun lamp.
North Korea
Seriously what is UP with this whole situation? WHAT IS HAPPENING? How does the world deal with a problem like this? And I don't mean the nuclear "threat" because I find the rhetoric about all that to be a bit off. It's a mean truth that we only pay attention to countries like this when they're making bizarre-o threats to other Western countries. I've been thinking a lot about what happens when they stop making threats and, like the Costa Concordia and Julian Assange, we forget all about them for another five years and therefore also forget how poor and oppressed their people are.
It's just so weird.
I'm applying for a tourist visa as we speak. And if I get it I'll definitely be deleting this blog post.
London Grammar
Put that inside you.
Watergate
All I do is read conspiracy theories pertaining to American politics.
I mean actually. Hours of my day.
I don't know if we've learned anything but All the President's Men was on the other night and I think some really good docu-drama bio-pics are going to come out of this decade too and I fucking love that shit so I'm alright with it.
Friday, April 5, 2013
I have committed a violent crime.
And in the same way,
That third girl
The broader one with the beautiful face is
the one you will keep going back to
not because of the face aforementioned
but because of the entire conjecture over
her being a woman at all
and everything that comes with that.
Because just as the moth is both near and far away
and just as your mouth is both open and closed,
and just as you both do
and do not have a scar on the back of your hand
Your girl is both a woman and something
else
And you both killed her
and breathed into her
life
And you both loved her
And felt nothing for her
Because you are both innocent and guilty
Because you are both beautiful and
ugly.
That third girl
The broader one with the beautiful face is
the one you will keep going back to
not because of the face aforementioned
but because of the entire conjecture over
her being a woman at all
and everything that comes with that.
Because just as the moth is both near and far away
and just as your mouth is both open and closed,
and just as you both do
and do not have a scar on the back of your hand
Your girl is both a woman and something
else
And you both killed her
and breathed into her
life
And you both loved her
And felt nothing for her
Because you are both innocent and guilty
Because you are both beautiful and
ugly.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Currently reading...
Modern Japanese poems, specifically Mutsuo Takahashi. I think this is the most beautiful thing I've ever read.
Portrait of Myself as a Baby-killer
Shall I give you the true reasons why I have to kill babies
because a thousand newborn babies will one day be a
thousand powerful kings
because I am in reality a humble beggar surrounded by a
thousand kings
because the beggar must defend the throne and the throne
must be kept apart
because the lonely sword must always be wet with the
blood of kings
because the lonely beggar must be guarded by the ghosts of the
slaughtered kings
because my throne must receive the praises of the grief-
stricken and cursing mothers of kings
Retainers and soldiers are alarmed and terrified but they do
not know who I am
At midnight I rise from my throne and dragging my heavy
gangrenous feet
Mount to the top of the palace observation tower the highest
point in the kingdom
I gaze out upon the extent of that region reigned over by the
beggar
Beyond the undulating plain that is still and soundless as
death itself
A thousand kings will be born when the tide is full in the
invisible sea
And my soldiers will run lifting their swords in their hands
Through the restless darkness the dawning darkness of my
realm
I shall add a thousand grey hairs to my hair
I take a heavy breath and descend the stepts
Grey hairs grow thickly there even on the treads.
- Mutsuo Takahashi
Portrait of Myself as a Baby-killer
Shall I give you the true reasons why I have to kill babies
because a thousand newborn babies will one day be a
thousand powerful kings
because I am in reality a humble beggar surrounded by a
thousand kings
because the beggar must defend the throne and the throne
must be kept apart
because the lonely sword must always be wet with the
blood of kings
because the lonely beggar must be guarded by the ghosts of the
slaughtered kings
because my throne must receive the praises of the grief-
stricken and cursing mothers of kings
Retainers and soldiers are alarmed and terrified but they do
not know who I am
At midnight I rise from my throne and dragging my heavy
gangrenous feet
Mount to the top of the palace observation tower the highest
point in the kingdom
I gaze out upon the extent of that region reigned over by the
beggar
Beyond the undulating plain that is still and soundless as
death itself
A thousand kings will be born when the tide is full in the
invisible sea
And my soldiers will run lifting their swords in their hands
Through the restless darkness the dawning darkness of my
realm
I shall add a thousand grey hairs to my hair
I take a heavy breath and descend the stepts
Grey hairs grow thickly there even on the treads.
- Mutsuo Takahashi
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
A love poem for Ivan Idea.
Stop touching those candles
and stop
saying those stupid things,
You are fucking ridiculous
and
repulsive
and the way you put commas in your sentences
makes me sick like a Mintie on a roadtrip
and you are so fucking beautiful that it tears my heart out
So why can't you just put your tongue
back in
and stop being pleasant and enthusiastic
Because you look so stupid
and I know you're not.
and I know you're not.
And I wish you had loved me
But I wish I hadn't loved you,
because you are
pathetic
and I'm embarrassed by the cliché of loving your fucking face
and your horrible pile of bones.
Although your bottom lip was quite nice
and Jesus
you could speak
like no-one else.
So I hope you'll be happy one day
Although your bottom lip was quite nice
and Jesus
you could speak
like no-one else.
So I hope you'll be happy one day
but I doubt it because cowards are
rarely
happy.
And you
are a coward
coward
coward.
rarely
happy.
And you
are a coward
coward
coward.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Ode to an Education
Since everyone is going through exams at the moment, I just thought I'd remind you all (in case you've lost sight of this via an increased sense of self-importance that is, to be fair, not your fault) that what you're doing is shit.
Look at it. Look at your exam notes. They are so fucking boring and ridiculous it's embarrassing that you're even reading them. Do you even have the slightest interest in this stuff? And while you tell yourself that you are going to somehow benefit financially from this fucking degrading four year experience they call "getting a degree" that has forced you into pseudo-poverty for your entire adult life, haha, fucking joke's on you mate because the only people who get jobs in their chosen field after they graduate are people who did fucking revolting degrees like law or engineering or business so if you're one of those people then congratulations, they told you you were training to be an innovator and an entrepreneur didn't they? Ha, joke's on you again because what you actually signed up for is sitting behind a desk until you die choking on your own clogged arteries or the bile you've accumulated after fifty years of listening to women talk about fertility treatments and drinking fucking instant coffee like it's the elixir of life. And don't worry creative types, I haven't forgotten about you guys - I fucking hope you like the smell of body odour because you're going to go and do a graduate diploma and become a teacher now, putting all your creative genius to good use marking Macbeth essays and explaining how influential Frida Kahlo was to a bunch of gormless teenagers every year for the next hundred years because teaching doesn't even give you the dignity of retiring you before your tits start to sag below your belly button. Either that or you aren't doing the grad dip in which case, how is bartending/unemployment/living with your mum going anyway? Let's face it these are the prime years of our lives and while we should be using them to see the world and piss people off and prepare for the fucking zombie apocalypse, instead we're choosing to publicly masturbate for four years at Uni while our parents perversely look on in pride.
Your degree is a fucking joke. I'm sorry but it is. It's going to churn you out along with thousands of other graduates at the end so you can become party to a fucking genocide of individuality whereby in the first five years of your career you undergo a process your parents will refer to as "growing up" but what is in fact the fucking removal of your soul through your anus and the connection of your brain to the mainframe of society so they can refill the space where your soul used to be with an interest in fad dieting and Siromet winery tours. And before you get your metaphorical knickers in a twist at me for being judgemental, I would just like to point out that I am currently, at this very moment returning home from an exam that was part of my own ludicrous tertiary education efforts so it is only in sympathy and solidarity that I tell you that you'd be better off dropping out and joining the fucking army or becoming a prostitute because let's face it, you're never going to look better than you do now and time is a-ticking till the day you'll want to pop out some miniature versions of your sucker self in the hopes that one day you'll be able to watch them publicly wank their way through a university degree just like mum and dad.
I wish you all luck with your exams and degrees, and hope that unlike me, when they dangle you by the ankle over the bog of eternal banality, you have the good sense to scream your guts out in protest before they drop you in it and you reek of disappointment for the rest of your days.
Look at it. Look at your exam notes. They are so fucking boring and ridiculous it's embarrassing that you're even reading them. Do you even have the slightest interest in this stuff? And while you tell yourself that you are going to somehow benefit financially from this fucking degrading four year experience they call "getting a degree" that has forced you into pseudo-poverty for your entire adult life, haha, fucking joke's on you mate because the only people who get jobs in their chosen field after they graduate are people who did fucking revolting degrees like law or engineering or business so if you're one of those people then congratulations, they told you you were training to be an innovator and an entrepreneur didn't they? Ha, joke's on you again because what you actually signed up for is sitting behind a desk until you die choking on your own clogged arteries or the bile you've accumulated after fifty years of listening to women talk about fertility treatments and drinking fucking instant coffee like it's the elixir of life. And don't worry creative types, I haven't forgotten about you guys - I fucking hope you like the smell of body odour because you're going to go and do a graduate diploma and become a teacher now, putting all your creative genius to good use marking Macbeth essays and explaining how influential Frida Kahlo was to a bunch of gormless teenagers every year for the next hundred years because teaching doesn't even give you the dignity of retiring you before your tits start to sag below your belly button. Either that or you aren't doing the grad dip in which case, how is bartending/unemployment/living with your mum going anyway? Let's face it these are the prime years of our lives and while we should be using them to see the world and piss people off and prepare for the fucking zombie apocalypse, instead we're choosing to publicly masturbate for four years at Uni while our parents perversely look on in pride.
Your degree is a fucking joke. I'm sorry but it is. It's going to churn you out along with thousands of other graduates at the end so you can become party to a fucking genocide of individuality whereby in the first five years of your career you undergo a process your parents will refer to as "growing up" but what is in fact the fucking removal of your soul through your anus and the connection of your brain to the mainframe of society so they can refill the space where your soul used to be with an interest in fad dieting and Siromet winery tours. And before you get your metaphorical knickers in a twist at me for being judgemental, I would just like to point out that I am currently, at this very moment returning home from an exam that was part of my own ludicrous tertiary education efforts so it is only in sympathy and solidarity that I tell you that you'd be better off dropping out and joining the fucking army or becoming a prostitute because let's face it, you're never going to look better than you do now and time is a-ticking till the day you'll want to pop out some miniature versions of your sucker self in the hopes that one day you'll be able to watch them publicly wank their way through a university degree just like mum and dad.
I wish you all luck with your exams and degrees, and hope that unlike me, when they dangle you by the ankle over the bog of eternal banality, you have the good sense to scream your guts out in protest before they drop you in it and you reek of disappointment for the rest of your days.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)